Nonsexual aspects of paedophilia
4 March 2008Many researchers have pointed out that paedophilia often has a romantic and emotional element. This post aims to contradict the misconception of paedophilia as purely sexual by documenting their comments.
Evidence further suggests that those persons whose primary sexual interest is genuinely pedophilic often exhibit a complex set of attitudes, beliefs, and perceived needs in regard to children of which sexual desire may be subordinate rather than superordinate (Groth, Hobson, & Gary, 1982; Howells, 1979, 1981; Lanyon, 1986; Ravitch & Weiss, 1962). Interactions between such persons and children sometimes have been characterized as “affectionate” and inclusive of many non-sexual components, some of which may be experienced by the child as rewarding (Groth et al., 1982; Howells, 1979: Ingram, 1981; Krivacska, 1990; Lanyon, 1986; Li et al., 1990; Money, in Geraci & Mader, 1991; Peters, 1976; Sandfort, 1984; Schultz, 1973).
~ Okami, P. & Goldberg, A. (1992).”“Personality Correlates of Pedophilia: Are They Reliable Indicators?”, Journal of Sex Research, 29(3):297-328.
From Table 4 [of our study] it can be seen that both physical appearance and personality characteristics are claimed as important determinants of the appeal of children to the paedophile, with personality descriptions being given slightly more commonly than physical descriptions. The most important personality trait that the men find attractive in children is their innocence and openness, this being expressed in a variety of different ways (lack of inhibition, honesty, simplicity, curiosity, openness to experience, willingness to learn, spontaneity, etc). Their warmth, affection, friendliness, charm, softness and understanding were also mentioned, although this might have referred to the particular children with whom the men were able to establish some relationship. Other descriptions related to energy level, e.g. vitality, vivaciousness, enthusiasm, mischief, liveliness.
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Answers to the question concerning the kinds of relationships with children that are engaged in are summarised in Table 13, with some of the more typical and interesting responses given verbatim in Table 14. The most common descriptions were in non-sexual terms such as affectionate, caring, loving, gentle, intimate, platonic and fatherly.
~ Wilson, G. & Cox, D. (1983). “The Child-Lovers: A Study of Paedophiles in Society.” London: Peter Owen Publishers, 1983.
The general problems [faced by pedophiles] are not distinctive to pedophiles but common to all people. For example, the problem of a lost love or an unrequited love may occur more frequently amongst pedophiles, but all people can in principle have such experiences. As one heterosexual pedophile wrote:
“How can it ever be possible to convey to people that we can suffer the same pangs of jealousy, emotional distress, at being parted from a loved one, and suicidal tendencies (when it appears the child who is the object of affection seems to have vanished for ever) as “normal lovers” do. How can they understand the terrible loneliness of a crowded room because she is not there. Helpless, lonely, living in a world of hopeless frustration because the one you love is constantly absent and yet ever constant in dreams, awake or sleeping. How could we tell them of the tears that can be shed because a little seven year old girl is no longer there.”
Apart from the reference to a seven-year-old girl, that observation may be common to many people’s lives, as may the following:
“I get so desperately in love with these people. Any of them, you know. If I had any sort of relationship with anybody, in the first place I wouldn’t have it if I didn’t like the person, there comes a kind of possessiveness that nobody likes. I wish I weren’t possessive. Nobody likes anybody who is possessive. But if you are by nature possessive you can’t help being like that, and I always get very much in love with them. It sounds silly to express what you mean by being in love. I want that person all the time you know, and I don’t find many people like that.”
Such problems could be illustrated many times. It is important to distinguish them because some sexually different people can see their lives being full of such problems, unique to themselves, whereas in fact such problems are widespread through many groups of society.
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This is not to say that the adult loses interest in the child, it is to say that the erotic component now dwindles. Many pedophile relationships established in early years can continue till the twilight of life, but the eroticism ceases at puberty.
~ Plummer, K. (1981). “Pedophilia: Constructing a Sociological Baseline,” in Adult Sexual Interest in Children, Eds. Mark Cook and Kevin Howells. London: Academic, 1981. 221-48.
Phenomenologically speaking, pedophiles are adults who fall in love with and at the same time erotically and sexually desire boys or girls.
~ Vogt, Horst (2006). Pädophilie; Leipzicher Studie zur gesellschaftlichen und psychischen Situation pädophiler Männe (”Paedophilia - Leipzig study on the societal and psychological situation of paedophile males”), Lengerich, Germany: Pabst Science Publishers. ISBN 3-89967-323-9
Pedophiles are men whose sexual wishes and desires for relationship bonds and love are focused either primarily or exclusively on children who have not reached puberty, whereby the relative importance of each of these three areas–sexuality, relationship, and love–may vary, as it does with other people as well.
~ Schmidt, G. (2002). “The Dilemma of the Male Pedophile,” Archives of Sexual Behavior, 31(6):473-477.
Pedophilia is not primarily a matter of sex, but of love, of being wanted, of childhood enjoyment, of things that the adult world cannot provide. […] Whether they feel that they are born pedophile, or that pedophilia is a normal and legitimate variation of human sexual expression, most of my informants have stressed the experience of love, affection, or closeness in their encounters with children. The sense of emotional contact with another human person is as important as, if not actually more important than, the excitement of sex. Among these informants, four have explicitly articulated their experience with children in terms of romantic courtship and love. […] To some pedophiles, their relationships with children are constituted by an intense love and affection.
~ Li, Chin-Keung (1990). “The Main Thing Is Being Wanted,” Journal of Homosexuality, 20(1-2):129-143
It’s not chronological age that’s decisive [for pedophilic attraction], but rather a combination of physical and personality characteristics. Therefore, the pedophile takes seriously those young people with whom he could fall in love.
~ Lautmann, Rüdiger (1994). “Attraction to Children.” Ingrid Klein Pubs. Inc., Hamburg. ISBN ISBN 3-89521-015-3
The feelings they [pedophiles] report towards children are more often ones of love and tenderness […]
Crawford, D.A. (1981). “Treatment approaches to paedophiles,” in M. Cook and K. Howells (Eds), Adult Sexual Interest in Children. London: Academic Press, p. 184. Quoted here.
2 Responses to “Nonsexual aspects of paedophilia”
May 1st, 2008 at 8:48 am
I am a BL (perhaps one of the few who isn’t interested in activism) and I for one don’t believe your “non-sexual love” fairytales. Countless times I have joined BL forums and chats and discussed with other BL’rs. 99 times out of 100 their reply was something like this: “you’re delusional - you’ve been brainwashed - boylove IS necessarily sexual, anyone who claims otherwise is either lying to themselves or making some pathetic attempt to have society accept us as something other than men who have sexual feelings for their children.” Useful lesson?
November 15th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Dear censored, there is a lot more to this world than is contained in your philosophy!
I too could deeply fall in love with a seven year old girl, and, to paraphrase (and alter slightly) G.B.S., find everything about her lovable (although i will stop short on one item (but not the other) Shaw mentioned)!