Christmas Cancelled Over Paedo Grooming Fears
24 December 2007
The Daily Sun: London.
MILLIONS of children are in tears following the prohibition of Christmas, over fears of paedos using presents to groom children.
The Daily Sun has learned that the ban is related to an operation by the Metropolitan Police, which uncovered a deadly present-sharing ring in London.
Although the Met refused to explain why Christmas was banned, The Daily Sun became aware of the reasons, following a loss of discs which were posted from the Met to the Home Office. The discs contained the personal details of 35 million potential child abusers living in the UK.
The Daily Sun can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that paedos were intending to distribute sick gifts to children, including speedo-style swimsuits and other items which were - although unrelated to paedophilia - designed to cause young children to fall into the sick hands of paedos.
Michelle Elliott - of children’s charity Kidscape - said, “This is absolutely terrible. It just shows how vulnurable our children are. We should be jailing these 35 million potential abusers or donating money to Kidscape. Cancelling Christmas must only be the last resort.”
When questioned about the loss of the discs, Sir Ian Blair responded by explaining that “in this instance, the Met made a mistake” and that, although people are calling for his resignation, “everyone deserves a fourth chance”.
Despite the fact that children everywhere will have their favourite time of the year ruined by the Home Office’s decision to cancel Christmas, Justice minister Jack Straw defended the decision, explaining that, “Stopping paedophiles is the British government’s number one priority. Only after that will we consider the welfare of children”.
8 Responses to “Christmas Cancelled Over Paedo Grooming Fears”
December 25th, 2007 at 2:06 am
HAH HAH — that was funny shit. Honestly, when I first started reading it I thought it was serious. Now that either reflects my gullibity or how bad the pedo hysteria has gotten — most likely it’s a mixture of both. Nice work! Thanks for the laugh.
December 26th, 2007 at 11:54 am
Always trust Michelle Elliott to take absurdity to the next level.
December 26th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
“Always trust Michelle Elliott to take absurdity to the next level.”
You are aware that this is satire, right?
December 27th, 2007 at 10:58 am
December 28th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
That would be about right, it’s a wonder that blue ribbon and Daniel the 2 UK pedophiles haven’t been arrested yet!
December 28th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
Oh, it’s our friend from Tasmania again
*Yawns*
January 2nd, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Brilliant piece!
September 16th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
LOL